Gratitude...

Today I feel gratitude for everything I have in my Life.

For the most part I love the life that I have created. As each day passes I realize more and more that It's me alone who holds the paintbrush which paints on the canvas of my life. I see things now that need to be changed and know that I'm the one who needs to make these changes.

I know the first step is figuring out what I really want my life to be. Where do I see myself living? What do I see myself doing to reach my full potential for true contentment and happiness? Which people do I see with me along the way? To some people these may sound like simple questions, but if one is to answer each of these questions completely honestly without worrying about what others will think, the task becomes much more difficult.

For myself, the thing that seems to be at the forefront of my mind is my career. I find that I really have to push myself to leave the house to go to work anymore. It's not that I don't want to work, it's just that my heart isn't in it. My heart wants to stay home and create the reality I see in my minds eye.

I feel excited about finding time to write my journals. I find myself wanting to be home...closer to my children and my Jim. I'm focused on creating a warm and inviting home for my family and I to enjoy. I have never really been interested in looking at home furnishings and creature comforts before in my life, but lately find myself deriving great pleasure from making my home as comfortable as possible. Maybe it's all a sign I'm getting older...

I think that I may be subconsciously working on creating the perfect environment for me to work in at home some day. I find myself feeling frustrated at times because I want changes to happen faster for me. I know that all change takes time, and that I just have to keep focused on what I'm trying to achieve and keep moving towards it.

As far as people in my life, I'm really happy with my Jim. He's my best friend in the world. I can't see myself enjoying anything I've achieved without him to share it with. Not having Jim with me would be like a day without sunshine.

My children are such a big part of my life. I'd like my relationship to be closer with each of my children. They are both teenagers now and it's so hard sometimes. They just won't let me in. They keep things from me. It hurts a lot. I've always been there for them. I wish they would come to me more with their problems, or to just share time with me. My relationship with my daughter is not bad, but I would like to make it better. I just need to keep trying. My son and I have a lot of work to do together. It's been a struggle with him for as long as I can remember. I know I just have to keep loving him and not to give up on him.

If I had to admit one thing that causes me sadness, it would be my relationship with my son. I really need to create a more loving relationship with him....I will find a way.

Maya xoxo