I havn't written for a few days as I've been working. I've barely had the energy to get through the days at the hospital due to the constant pain all over my body. Needles to say, I havn't had time to work on my journaling. The one thing that does keep me going is that I know that I am a good nurse, and every day I'm at the hospital, I know that someone special needs my help. I do feel at the end of the day that the care I have given others does make a difference.
I really do love nursing, but the twelve hour shifts on my feet are really doing me in. I'm working really hard to heal my achy body when I can. I eat a healthy diet, and try to exercise regularily. I also do yoga at home for flexibility. Unfortunately, I'm working against time, genetics, and arthritis which is settling in all my joints with no mercy. My feet and ankles are getting hit the hardest with the arthritis. Not that I'm trying to complain, but on top of the pain and stiffness from the arthritis, I'm dealing with some major gynecological problems which I've been putting off for as long as I can.....but they now must be addressed. Honestly, I know the occupation I have chosen has served me well, but I know it's slowing coming to a close.
I feel that I am being called apon by something higher to explore my other talents and gifts. Maybe it's the goddess's way of gently pushing me to achieve my hearts desire. Maybe...just maybe, when I am positioned to explore other options in my life like having more time to write my journals, work on my photography, explore the wilderness, or maybe even travel a little....... maybe then my body will start to realign itself to fully heal.
I'm not sad that I'm a nurse as I feel I've touched many lives in a positive way. I have given much love and understanding. I find comfort in knowing that I'm not on this pathway of my life alone. The great mother of all is gently guiding me in all her mysterious ways.
I just must keep the faith that the life I see in my minds eye is slowing manifesting as each day passes.
Maya xoxoxo
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
A home within a home...
I'm just enjoying the beauty of the morning,
the warmth of our bed....and you.
My home exudes warmth and happiness.
It's sunday morning. I awake to the sound of silence. Our bedroom is on the second floor and situated at the far end of the hall. When the door is closed, it is like it's a completely separate place...it's my secret world in my room.
When Jim and I were looking to buy a new home, we weren't exactly sure what we were looking for. When there was an openhouse for this home, we decided to have a look. From the moment we entered the front door of the house, I knew we'd be living here someday.
The house was just opening it's arms to welcome us in. When we walked up to the second floor and went into the master bedroom, I completely fell in love with it. It was everything I dreamt of and more. It's like a home within a home. Our bedroom is twenty six feet long by sixteen feet wide. It has an amazing ensuite bathroom with a jucuzzi bathtub and a tiled walk in shower with a Rainforest Showerhead. The bedroom also has glass sliding doors which open up onto a beautiful wooden balcony that overlooks our large fenced in back yard. The most beautiful oak tree is beside the balcony provided much needed shade in the summertime.
Needless to say, once I saw this room, I knew we had to find a way to be here.
My bedroom is my sanctuary. It provides me with peace and serenity. When I'm up here I can turn the rest of the world out. My children can have friends over and make as much noise as they want (and they do), and I hear nothing up here in my room. Jim even put an electric fireplace up here for warmth in the cold months, and we found the nicest, plush sofa and love seat for the far corner of our room. It's the kind of sofa that you just sink into with lots of cushions. It's wonderful to lie or sit on with a nice cup of hot chocolate and snuggle up with a book.
My bedroom is my favorite place to have friends in. I can completely relax up here. My friends always say they feel so relaxed when they are here as well. Sometimes when the stereo is playing some of my favorite cd's and the fireplace is going, I feel as though I'm in my own secret world.
I know I won't be living in this house forever, but I can't imagine leaving my bedroom either. I'd have to design a room exactly like this one for our new house when we move.
It looks like Jim has fallen back asleep beside me. I'ts a wonderful Sunday morning . I'm writing this journal as I lie here in bed. I have to be honest in saying that I really don't want to go to work today. I'm scheduled at the hospital for three to eleven pm shift. There are so many other things here at home I'd rather be doing.
I suppose I need to look at my nursing as just a means to creating the life that I really want right now...because truthfully, thats all it is to me right now. Just a vehichle to get me from one place to another.
I feel I have so much to tell you lately. I can't wait to write to you again soon,
Till tomorrow then,
Maya xoxoxox
Gratitude...
Today I feel gratitude for everything I have in my Life.
For the most part I love the life that I have created. As each day passes I realize more and more that It's me alone who holds the paintbrush which paints on the canvas of my life. I see things now that need to be changed and know that I'm the one who needs to make these changes.
I know the first step is figuring out what I really want my life to be. Where do I see myself living? What do I see myself doing to reach my full potential for true contentment and happiness? Which people do I see with me along the way? To some people these may sound like simple questions, but if one is to answer each of these questions completely honestly without worrying about what others will think, the task becomes much more difficult.
For myself, the thing that seems to be at the forefront of my mind is my career. I find that I really have to push myself to leave the house to go to work anymore. It's not that I don't want to work, it's just that my heart isn't in it. My heart wants to stay home and create the reality I see in my minds eye.
I feel excited about finding time to write my journals. I find myself wanting to be home...closer to my children and my Jim. I'm focused on creating a warm and inviting home for my family and I to enjoy. I have never really been interested in looking at home furnishings and creature comforts before in my life, but lately find myself deriving great pleasure from making my home as comfortable as possible. Maybe it's all a sign I'm getting older...
I think that I may be subconsciously working on creating the perfect environment for me to work in at home some day. I find myself feeling frustrated at times because I want changes to happen faster for me. I know that all change takes time, and that I just have to keep focused on what I'm trying to achieve and keep moving towards it.
As far as people in my life, I'm really happy with my Jim. He's my best friend in the world. I can't see myself enjoying anything I've achieved without him to share it with. Not having Jim with me would be like a day without sunshine.
My children are such a big part of my life. I'd like my relationship to be closer with each of my children. They are both teenagers now and it's so hard sometimes. They just won't let me in. They keep things from me. It hurts a lot. I've always been there for them. I wish they would come to me more with their problems, or to just share time with me. My relationship with my daughter is not bad, but I would like to make it better. I just need to keep trying. My son and I have a lot of work to do together. It's been a struggle with him for as long as I can remember. I know I just have to keep loving him and not to give up on him.
If I had to admit one thing that causes me sadness, it would be my relationship with my son. I really need to create a more loving relationship with him....I will find a way.
Maya xoxo
For the most part I love the life that I have created. As each day passes I realize more and more that It's me alone who holds the paintbrush which paints on the canvas of my life. I see things now that need to be changed and know that I'm the one who needs to make these changes.
I know the first step is figuring out what I really want my life to be. Where do I see myself living? What do I see myself doing to reach my full potential for true contentment and happiness? Which people do I see with me along the way? To some people these may sound like simple questions, but if one is to answer each of these questions completely honestly without worrying about what others will think, the task becomes much more difficult.
For myself, the thing that seems to be at the forefront of my mind is my career. I find that I really have to push myself to leave the house to go to work anymore. It's not that I don't want to work, it's just that my heart isn't in it. My heart wants to stay home and create the reality I see in my minds eye.
I feel excited about finding time to write my journals. I find myself wanting to be home...closer to my children and my Jim. I'm focused on creating a warm and inviting home for my family and I to enjoy. I have never really been interested in looking at home furnishings and creature comforts before in my life, but lately find myself deriving great pleasure from making my home as comfortable as possible. Maybe it's all a sign I'm getting older...
I think that I may be subconsciously working on creating the perfect environment for me to work in at home some day. I find myself feeling frustrated at times because I want changes to happen faster for me. I know that all change takes time, and that I just have to keep focused on what I'm trying to achieve and keep moving towards it.
As far as people in my life, I'm really happy with my Jim. He's my best friend in the world. I can't see myself enjoying anything I've achieved without him to share it with. Not having Jim with me would be like a day without sunshine.
My children are such a big part of my life. I'd like my relationship to be closer with each of my children. They are both teenagers now and it's so hard sometimes. They just won't let me in. They keep things from me. It hurts a lot. I've always been there for them. I wish they would come to me more with their problems, or to just share time with me. My relationship with my daughter is not bad, but I would like to make it better. I just need to keep trying. My son and I have a lot of work to do together. It's been a struggle with him for as long as I can remember. I know I just have to keep loving him and not to give up on him.
If I had to admit one thing that causes me sadness, it would be my relationship with my son. I really need to create a more loving relationship with him....I will find a way.
Maya xoxo
Thoughts on Love...
I dream of a day that I can just me myself,
and not have to hide my feelings for you anymore...
Maya 2008
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)