Confessions (One)

So many things...................have happened to me since I last shared with you. Some things good, and some things not so good. I can honestly say that I never have a boring day. Something unexpected always presents itself. Just when I think I might be closer to figuring out my life, something happens to show me that I'm only taking baby steps .

I find myself wantiing to hibernate lately and I'm not quite sure if it's because of the season or because of the growing phase I am in. My life has changed quite a bit in the last year or so. I think you could say that I have settled down quite a bit. I seem to be spending more time at home unless I am working . I find that when I am working, I'm yearning to be in my home. I feel such a sense of peace and comfort in my home and never seem to tire of it. More and more I am realizing that I cannot continue with my current profession forever and be happy. I am a good nurse, and love to care for people....................but it's when I'm here writing to you that I feel most alive and purposeful.

I really hope that my first book is a success for me so I can continue to spend more time writing and sharing with you. My dream is to be able to experience all that this life has to offer me, and share it with you. There are so many things that I still want to experience in this lifetime...........but unfortunatly I know that continuing with the type of physical work that I do for any extended period of time will decrease the probability of me ever being able to achieve my dreams. So, in sharing that with you, I hope that you will continue to follow me on my path.........my journey.

I'm going to really try to share and be honest with you about what's 'really' going on with me in my coming journals. And I have to admit that it is a bit scary for me to open myself up this way. I want to talk to you about my relationships. I've expressed with you already in my journals that my life is not 'mainstream'. I do have a 'open' relationship with my husband. We have had this type of relationship for about 5 years now. Although I realize that many do not agree with our arrangement......or understand it, I'd like to share that the relationships I have had have brought me some of my greatest joys. I have learned volumes about myself, my husband, and others along the way. I have experienced love of many kinds. I have found other soulmates along the way. I have found true friends.................and learned to recognize false ones. I have been loved like I never thought possible.............and I have been hurt like I never imagined I could.....

This book is dedicated to you, my faithful friend who is following me on my pathways. I hope that you will keep an open mind as you read my private thoughts. What I am sharing is the most personal thing in the world to me............my feelings. I don't know why I love like I do, but I do. I sometimes wonder if I'm normal because I feel so much sometimes. I feel I need to share with you because there must be someone else who will read my thoughts that understands how I feel, and maybe reading about my experiences will bring them some comfort.

I hope you decide to stay with me. Lets get started...

Maya xoxoxoxoxoxo